From my acre of the world...

Autumn Glory...I planted a package of Heavenly Blue Morning Glories and they came up purple...go figure...

This Walking Stick came marching up to me with such purpose, I thought for sure he had something to say to me...

Oh, Wooly Bear...what are you trying to tell me with those colors of yours? Will we have a real winter this year?

The Spider's House

Solitary leaf

One of my favorite blues...

I'm always amazed when my shaky hands snap a good shot...

A duo...

Summer is winding down and I'm getting closer to finishing my manuscript, Drinking from the Fishbowl...I'm taking my sweet old time with it, being very careful...perhaps too cautious...at times I fear it has become a monster, but then, as soon as I return to it, I realize that it isn't at all, it is exactly the way I've wanted it to be, and I've been taking great care to trim away what is unnecessary and embellishing the details to tell the story. I've been a bit distracted, so when my focus is off, I don't bother trying to do any editing when I'm like this, and I turn my attention to other things, short things like poems or something like sifting through all of my photos and picking the best ones for possible prints some day...

It is a balancing act that I perform everyday...and everyday I remind myself how fortunate that I am, in spite of so much that could have held me back, and the overwhelming pain and other peculiar symptoms that I deal with on my FMS bad days, I have kept going forward...

Spring forward...

Abstraction (old door), 3/10/2012

Layers (a collage of last autumn's debris), 3/4/2012

I really wish they'd leave the clock alone...this time change business is truly socially unacceptable...I hate the feeling that I'm "late"...that I "slept in"...grrrrr. It already feels like half the day is gone...

Blue, a pussy willow leaf, 3/4/2012

Layers, lace and leaves, 3/4/2012

Layers, 3/4/2012

Taking Flight (cornfield pigeons), 3/10/2012

The snow on the ground today should be gone by tomorrow...the morning sun is out making springtime shadows on the trunks of trees and the ground, the sky is that amazing blue and the temperature is creeping above freezing...tho' it will be warm out, there will be the chill of melting snow in the air...it is my intention to spend time in the sunshine from my favorite chair on the porch...the first time since...? Pre-Halloween October...maybe I got one or two times in November since it was an "unusual" November.

Painting...writing...I'm always tinkering with something. I'm going to try to wrap up chapter 35 of Fishbowl today, I'm looking for one more word to set right the first paragraph, (I'll get it with a bit of time, a walk around the acre with Max will help.) The rest of it is done...then I'll move on forward...I'm working my way from the end to the beginning, you see, so I'll be in chapter 34 next, it's part of my editorial system, read it forward, read it backward, line by line, paragraph by paragraph, out of context/in context...when I look back at the beginning, the early drafts of this book, it started in 2000-2001, and grew into a monster of epic proportions sometime around 2003-2004. I've been taming that monster ever since, and have been working diligently for a year getting it publication ready. (It's almost there.)

March roaring in...part 2

How cool are these? My Fred treated me to a photo fest on Friday afternoon, these old steel-faced printing blocks are gorgeous!

This is how books used to be done...some day, I'd like to work with a letterpress (like Syracuse's very own Boxcar Press or Amaranth Press and Bindery) and make a limited edition book of Po-emz...gotta write some first (well, I do have a few, just not sure if they should see the light of day or not.)

Wow, it's been a while since I posted here...

Snowing today, rain by tomorrow or Tuesday...sunny and 50's by Wednesday (snow all gone until the next time a front passes by with some to share.) For now, the wind that blew away February has calmed down, the flurries are falling in a gentle manner, steady and abundant, reminding us that it is winter after all...

A red squirrel and a gray squirrel were fighting over a peanut outside my studio window a little while ago...a very dramatic furry fight...gray squirrel held on to that peanut, red squirrel just bitched about it while rifling through the leaves at the base of the lilac bush, the gray bushy tail with pale ears munching the prize...once the peanut was eaten the fight was over, gray squirrel went one way, red squirrel went the other...gotta love the backyard drama...

I've been painting much of today and yesterday, and when not painting, editing Chapter 35 of Drinking from the Fishbowl...it's coming along, tightening up, expanding a bit, these last few chapters were always a little thin and felt rushed to me. I'm glad to be spending time with them and making them right...it's a long process, at times arduous (writing a book is a lot about patience), but I'm enjoying the immersion now that I'm returning to the rhythm of it after being so out of sorts for several months, I felt like I was reading and not comprehending anything I had written. Sometimes it's hard to talk about what I'm working on only because I fear boring people with the process, it's like watching grass grow, okay? Some nights I'll work on one paragraph...and the next night, the same paragraph, only I change a word here, add another sentence there...the next night, take that sentence out, change that word back to the original word. (See what I mean?) You'd think I'd know what I want to say by now...I don't believe a book is ever truly finished, I could go back and rework it endlessly...the story will remain the same, but the words might be rearranged to tell it better. (What the hell right? If Stephen King can say the Dark Tower series is done at last, and then add another book in the middle of it a few years later, that's entirely up to him - it's his story to tell, and if it's still being told, let him tell it. If I want to shake my fist and say: "You bastard!" That's fine too. ) I do love Fishbowl, even though I've had such a time with it, the darn thing came from my earliest efforts as a writer, before I really had my literary shit together. I'm sure not everyone will like it just because they can, but the ones who will like it, will appreciate it for what it is...it's a psychological study, the loyalty of friends, a love story (with a little bit of a nod to soap opera's, which makes it a social comedy of sorts, tho' a little darker in a grim sort of way)...it's a book about dreams and realities. I'm glad that I haven't rushed it...it's going to be a better book for the extra effort on my part. I'm sure everyone who has an opinion will try to tell me how to write it, but see, the thing is...it is written the way I want to tell it, it has it's own voice, and who's to say that voice is right or wrong. I'm quite satisfied so far...but then, it's been several years in the making, and I haven't read the first chapter since March 16th of last year...so you see...who knows what I'll find when I pick up the printed hard copy later this spring once I'm ready to do the final pass through this summer! I'm a different writer now than I was a year ago, my vision has sharpened, not that I'm going to carry it off to another realm, there might be something that I've learned since then that I will need to apply to the earlier chapters...

I know I'm excited. It's a beautiful thing.

The things I found today...

My treasures from today

Railroad tracks...

The dots on the bridge wall

I can't read chicken scratch either...

I love rust...

Kitty Crossing...

Kitty with muddy paws got to the other side...

 
My Fred and I treated ourselves with two whole days of staying at home...it seems we've been on the run going here and there and being tugged about for this and that...well, it felt good to relax and if we felt like doing something, we did it...so we took a ride out to Lakeland, parked, and went for a walk along the old railroad tracks to take pictures...now the two of us are collectors of various odds n' ends, we both love rusty old bits of metal...and I also like the shiny stuff, glass, pottery, and rocks...and lots of pictures...

On the way home I bought a new canvas, so painting isn't too far from my mind...and I've been back to work on Drinking from the Fishbowl this weekend, that chapter 42 has been troublesome, but I think I have a handle on it now, I've printed a hard copy and might do the old-fashioned cut n' paste editing with scissors and tape tomorrow, I do that because I'm a visual person, sometimes just reading it over and over, backwards and forwards doesn't work anymore...so I hack it up and tape it together once the pieces fit right and then I go back to the laptop and fix it...lots of fun for me, watching grass grow for anyone else, I suppose...

Although time marches on as it always does...I'm not quite feeling back to "normal" just yet, I really miss my mother...whenever I get the urge to talk to her, especially during that time of day when I would call her up (such as when I found that old Pertussin bottle today) I just talk to her...whatever works, right? The afterlife has always been a fascination for me, and I wonder if she's here and there, leaving signs, watching, waiting...or possibly, moved on...

My father seems to be coming along, healing, still grieving, but getting closer to going home with every passing day...heading toward his new version of normal.

Elemental...

 

Slate, 7/20/2011

Wall and Sky, 7/21/2011

Discarded weeds, 7/23/2011

Discarded weeds, 7/23/2011

A Flutter-bye, 7/23/2011

Leaf in shadow, 7/23/2011

Summer Lilies, 7/23/2011

"J", rusted metal found by my Fred along the railroad tracks, 7/24/2011

A collection of railroad spikes (also found by my Fred), 7/24/2011 (The shadows are SOOOO COOL!)

 It's been wicked hot here, as it's been everywhere else it seems, I heard we hit a record of sorts, 100 on Thursday, which is highly unusual for Upstate New York...the sky has been a brilliant blue for many days, we got some rain today, but it's been too long coming...

Opening Night at Szozda Gallery, 7/22/2011

My Fred and I had an opening of our exhibition on Friday...more pics n' details at my art blog Follow Your Bliss...

I spent much of the weekend photographing things, looking at everything, reading and making a few changes to a chapter or two in Fishbowl,  and napping (nothing finer than falling asleep in a comfy chair on a breezy porch on a hot day)...I've had a busy week full of many accomplishments at work and personally, and through much of it I struggled with the FMS trash-compactor feeling...yeah, that's the best way to describe the wretched overall 'I feel like shit' feeling that I get from time to time, it's a warning that I need to slow down. So in spite of all of this wonderful stuff happening, I can still feel like shit and get through it with a smile. I think I can do this as long as what I'm doing is making me happy, that's all I can say...my art, my writing, my photos, my garden, my Fred, our son, my five cats and one dog named Max keep me going no matter how shitty I feel.

detail of one of my paintings, Evening, Blue and Gold, 2010-2011, acrylic on watercolor canvas, 24 x 18 inches

Sunday morning...

Fragment, (Old Chimney Brick) 6/28/2011 (previously posted at From my acre of the world...Tumblr site, 7/3/2011)

Fragment, 6/28/2011

Fragment, 6/28/2011

I love the variety of colors and textures of old bricks, their surfaces eroded by time, they’re so beautiful to me. The old chimneys of our farmhouse were taken apart when we had the new roof put on the house, there were four of them originally, three were no longer in use or attached to anything and falling apart, when the last one started to lean a few years ago, we had to take it down to replace it with a nice new brick chimney…I’ve saved the old bricks, line gardens with them, their fragments fill bottoms of planters for drainage, I re-use what I can…occasionally, I’ll find a chunk or two under a bush or tucked in the weeds, it’s a mystery to me how these things travel, but they do get around the acre…

I've been working my way through the final chapters of Drinking from the Fishbowl, plagued by self-doubts while not working on it and then perfectly happy with it while I am...typical, nothing new.  I've become snagged on the last chapter, have practically re-written it in the places that needed work and suddenly what was once a fragment of a thought took on a life of its own, and I'm on the fence about cutting out original material, which is still valid, but does it belong to this chapter any more? If I cut it out, will I miss it? It's funny how I've cut this book to ribbons over the years, and cringed at cutting things that I fear that I will miss, only to find that no, I don't (maybe the more recent cuts made last Fall I still look for.) Originally, it was my plan to have this book ready by Fall 2011 to publish, but it's not looking likely, after this latest go around, I've made up my mind to set it aside for a month or two, work on something else...(so she sez)...or I could start over and get back into the thick of it while it's still fresh in my mind and I think I know what I want to do (cutting more from it!) But...but...but... ugh, I can make myself go crazy fussing over it. I've been taking it slow with this one, it's size has always been a troubling factor...it's currently hovering at about 525 pages (standard ms double spaced, 12 point), where before it was closer to 800 than it was necessary, so I've taken it in hand and compacted it to a more manageable size, but still, it is a handful.

Layers, 7/3/2011 (posted on From my acre of the world...)

A hungry caterpillar, 7/3/2011

The acre has been busy with life, things growing and little barn swallow peas fresh from their pods lined up on the power line leading to the garage, learning to fly, growing their swallowtails...lots of flutter-bys, and the baby crows, although fledged and as big as their parents are still fussing and demanding, whiny little things! (Pitiful baby cries.) The Pileated woodpecker loves our half-dead tree on the corner of the back driveway entrance, I watched him this morning hammering away, throwing wood chips around (for once he didn't take off when I came along with Max!) Poor Max was having wood chips fall onto his back while he sniffed the bushes under the tree. Unfortunately, I never have my camera with me when the big bird is around, one of these days I'll get a photo...well, shoot, I thought I had more photos of the garden, but I guess I haven't downloaded them yet...another post for another time...

A few hours later...I just finished re-reading the last chapter of Drinking from the Fishbowl and after a few adjustments, a cut and paste from here to there, I think it's done . I'll read it again in a few days to let the dust settle...but I believe it's how it should be- oh happy day!.

Last years debris and a flower of hope...

Leaf Lace, 4/24/2011

Collage, 4/24/2011

Debris, 4/24/2011

Leaf Lace, fragment, 4/24/2011

Overlap, 4/24/2011

Lace, 4/24/2011

Old Lace, 4/24/2011

Stone, cracked, 4/24/2011

 

A little bit of hope... 4/24/2011

We're in the midst of the 6th rainiest April on record, so it just seems bleak up here on our little acre of the world, but it isn't all that bad, just damp and the rain has been much more gentle than the bluster of last weekend that pulled off a dozen shingles from our roof...(have since been replaced by my Fred during one of the few breaks in the rain!)

I know when I see the little white violets pushing through last year's debris that spring is here at last...as much as I love the colts foot, daffodils, and squill, the violets with their sweet scent take me back to times when I was very young, picking fistfuls of these for my mom in the woods behind our house, it was literally a carpet of violets out there, and the smell of them was overwhelming...I spent happy days surrounded by violets so I was very happy to find them here when we moved in...

I'm still focusing my little point n' shoot camera at the debris of leaves and bits of weeds...the pale lacy remains have been beautiful finds...

I've been slowly working my way through Part 2 of Drinking from the Fishbowl, this seems to be in better shape than Part 1, as I recall, it didn't require as much work before...and I believe Part 3 is also going to be relatively easy...which naturally makes me suspicious, so I know I'll back track backwards through the chapters, going line by line, paragraph by paragraph before too long...as I should before I publish it...I'm hoping not to overtax myself like I did while working on The Fractured Hues of White Light and Dusty Waters I've learned so many lessons with those two, this should be easier...should be. You'd think. The self-doubt demons have been nibbling at me again...challenging me...saying mean things...just when I'm convinced that the book is truly awful, I pick it up to work on it and realize there's nothing wrong with it, it's fine, it has it's voice, it has a solid story, the characters have something to say...so I will continue with my leisurely pace, picking away at it, taking my time to make it right...